What’s with this Sword of Damacles shit?
What’s this feeling that I’ve got something awful hanging over my head, and where does it come from? Specifically, the feeling like I’ve forgotten to do something very important, and that I can’t relax until I’ve done it. Doing “productive” things (hanging the laundry, sending important emails, lesson planning) alleviates some of the pressure, but it always comes back. What’s up with that?
I look over at my partner playing Legend of Zelda, and I see that she is not currently experiencing the same feeling of anxiety/dread. That’s good: if I’d partnered up with someone else who shared my set of anxieties, we’d wreck each other’s nerves into early graves. (The downside is that she finds my need to feel “productive” during my time off somewhat pathological.)
And the more time I spend THINKING about it, the more anxious I become, while what it is I’m “supposed” to be doing doesn’t get any clearer. Meanwhile, I’m just spinning my wheels, procrastinating and feeling guilty about procrastinating and now I’m not even sure what I was procrastinating but obviously I’m not doing it right now and oh god I’m wasting my life, what do I do, what do I do.)
So just tell me what this feeling is and what I’m supposed to be doing about it, and I’ll just do that, and Universe, you and I will be all cool for a while. Is it a deal?
(And don’t give me any bullshit about how I’m supposed to be “getting in touch with my Essence” because last I checked, there is no Essence button on this machine.)